Father Christmas at Selfridges

It had to be done.

Go book your tickets here, quick. There aren't many slots left!

Now what on earth are we going to wear?!

Lil joins the circus.

We popped to IKEA yesterday morning. Lil came out with this...

£15 and would make a great Christmas present!

Happy Halloween

A cheeky spider and a skeleton with bed head (Lil and her friend Lincoln)

Making monster noises...


My birthday is coming up and I can't get myself into the party mood. I've been a bit of a grump lately and not nice to be around. I'm unhappy with my body, my hair, my wardrobe. I need a kick up the arse and to make some changes.

So I'm starting with my body.

My skin isn't in great condition and even though I won't be baring my legs during the party season, feeling great is the key to looking great so I've been bodybrushing like a mother fucker and soaping up with some lovely shower gel.

(Nivea is buy one get two free at Tesco!)

Now just my face, saggy tits and wobbly behind to sort out....hmpf.


'If your children are perfect angels (unlike my 8) you should pop a handful of valium and swig a large mouthful of gin as you'll read of no such kids here'

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mammasaurus

My Girl.


No, not me (do you really think I'm putting myself through that again? I thought you knew me better...)

Everyone else.

I'm obviously happy for them, having a baby is a wonderful thing. It's just making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Like it's a sign that I should be thinking about my next one. I know, Lil's not even seven months yet but it's like I'm sitting in a room full of pregnant women and I'm the only one who isn't trying or pregnant or even thinking about it. It's filling me with fear.

I don't want another baby (naturally, if I'm going to have another I'll adopt). I'm still traumatised by the pregnancy and labour of the first one. I sometimes have nightmares about it and quite often, flashbacks. My heart starts to race and I feel sick.

The thing is, I don't know if it's because deep down in my subconscious I really do want another.

Someone pass me a gun...

SHOPPING: Lunch box

I popped in to the new Cath Kidston store at Bluewater this morning and couldn't resist this lunch box for Lil for when she goes to Noo Noo's and Grampys. So cute and only £4.


Sticky fingers.

I am currently planning Lil's naming afternoon tea. It's great to have something to throw myself into as I've been getting a bit jittery lately.

Guest list is written up (I just know I'm going to offend some people, I have a huge family and I don't speak to all of them...), invites are currently being made (I just stuck my fingers together), cake has been ordered and will be made by the marvellous Becky at BeccaBoo Bakery (here), bunting is being made by the gorgeous Kimberlee at Homemade Mamas (here) and the rest is work in progress.

Here is a peek at the invites:

I'm very excited. 

Next on my list is something to wear.

SHOPPING: Christmas

It wasn't until two nights ago when I was listening to Michael Buble's Christmas album (I'm excited, ok) that I really started thinking about my Christmas shopping list... GROAN.

After last year's shopping disaster, this year I'm buying everyones gifts online. It's easier, quicker, stress free and I can do it while Lil sleeps.

Thank goodness then for The Handpicked Collection, as my theme for everyones present this year is luxury.

I have to share some of the gifts with you...

For my Mother In Law and her partner (snigger) - His Lord & Her Ladyship towels:

For my Mum - this beautiful Green & Spring Relaxing candle and Shower and Bath foam:

For Lil, this amazing 1960's copy Fisher Price Chatter Telephone:

This list goes on!

And if you need help picking your gifts, they have a gift ideas blog. Genius!

For lovely gifts that you will want to keep for yourself, click here.

Happy Shopping!

Nasty Mother (and I don't mean the Mother in law).

Lil is asleep at last after spending the morning fighting it.

She woke up in a bad mood after a restless night. Naturally I woke up in one too. I'm struggling today. My chest infection doesn't seem to be clearing and I have ulcers at the back of my throat. I also have PMT.

To say me and the kid aren't friends today would be an understatement. It's at times like this I look at her and think she's ruining my life. And she is, to a certain extent.

Of course I love her. Today I just don't like her.

PHOTO POST: Hello Autumn

Recipe for a boost in self confidence....

Take one push up bra...

A new lipstick...

 And a cocktail or seven (The Smokey Margarita)....

And see what you get...

PHOTO POST: Lazy Sunday


'She said that what is sexual in a high heel is the arch of the foot, because it is exactly the position of a woman's foot when she orgasms. So, putting your foot in a heel, you are putting yourself in a possibly orgasmic situation.'

I want these to be my orgasmic situation (it is my birthday soon).

Currently reading...

I've been reading 'Buddhism For Mothers' and I'm finding it's really helping me deal with all aspects of my life. I've been feeling very lost lately, I miss the old me so much and I feel guilty for it.

In the book there is a poem by a Buddhist mother about her former self:

'...she fights the shame
Of a temper at small infractions
By her children (thank god for them)
Never knee such temper simmered
Aching to be lost.
She sinks into memories and dreams
Folding corners of herself down
Like a neat napkin
Hiding the stains, the dirt
Of her most wondrous gypsy self
So that this life - this perfectly happy life -
Might proceed without incident
Without tragedy.
She who writes this song to herself
Sings now for the selves
That have no place to be sung.'

It made me feel very sad, I can relate to it a million percent. I get so angry sometimes, when Lil is whinging or won't settle, and I'm slowly learning how to deal with this frustration.

Being a Mother is so hard but this book is making it a lot easier...

Buddhism For Mothers - Sarah Napthali

'Oh isn't he handsome...'

 ...the blind bat behind the desk at the clinic said today. What, cos I dress the kid in stripes and dungarees you automatically think she's a he? OH SORRY I don't dress her in pink. I don't actually like pink and the colour doesn't suit her.

This has happened quite a bit since the midwife decided Lil had to come out of the warm. Look, if you don't know what it is, ask. The mother will be more offended if you get it wrong. It's just plain ignorance not to ask if you're unsure and it fucks me off.

Another thing that REALLY makes me angry, a babies weight being an issue for some people. I admit I call Lil a piggy sometimes but I call myself that too and I won't be calling her it for much longer because I know she's started understanding what I'm saying.

I took her to get weighed today. I'm not going to tell you how much she now weighs because I know some of you will think she's fat/heavy/overweight for her age when she's actually a good weight for six months. Why do people say 'oh the little chubber/porker/fatty' when you tell them how much your baby weighs? Even if they are heavier than the graph says they should be, so what? As long as they aren't morbidly obese, what's the big deal? It makes me so livid to hear people criticising a baby's weight. And then they criticise someone who has an eating disorder. AND THEY WONDER WHY?

People: if you can't say something nice about the kid, keep your mouth shut.

Dr Do-little-except-stare-at-my-tits.

(Sorry, I despise the words breasts, baps and boobs)

Ever have one of those days when you feel like packing yourself off to one of those retreats in Thailand where nobody speaks for a week, all you drink is plant whizzed up in a blender and do yoga non stop for 28 hours? Today was one of those days.

It started off with a trip to the doctors to get a few issues sorted out. My body is being a nightmare and doesn't seem to want to play the game so I was hoping the doctor would be able to give me some pills for it. He did, after he spent twenty minutes eyeing up my chest. 'I need to listen to your chest. Now at the back. I need you to lift your dress up.' Course you do, mate. Get a good look at my arse did you? I traipsed out of there none the wiser, clutching a handful of prescriptions.

Lil was dispatched off to Mothers for a few hours so shit could get sorted. I went to pick up the drugs and get my unruly eyebrows threaded where I was met with an extremely friendly lady who told me I was wearing a nice dress, we look about the same size but I have a nicer chest and then continued to rip my eyebrows off (?). I necked a jug of coffee in the hope it would wake me up (because having my eyebrows ripped off didn't work) but nothing.

My husband broke my favourite vintage bag after making a MASSIVE mistake and lunging at my arse with his hand. Not a wise move. He now owes me a new handbag.

Not a lot of shit got sorted, I was too busy re-disinfecting the kitchen (an obsession) and throwing biscuits at the dog to do much else and then it was time for Lil to return.

The poor cow has a cold and is teething quite badly again and this afternoon she decided that she'd had enough so refused all food and drink and just screamed.

By this point I was ready to drop from exhaustion. Although I hadn't done a lot, my body was telling me to stop. So after the ironing was done, I listened. Now I'm in bed. Lil is asleep next to me in her cot. I'm tired.

Off to dream of that retreat in Thailand where nobody speaks for a week, all you drink is plant whizzed up in a blender and do yoga non stop for 28 hours.


What a difference six months makes...

And today...

P.S That isn't Lil's money, she stole it from someone.