Just to clarify...

I wrote this post when I was mad at Lil's father, which seems to be quite often at the moment. I'm not sure if it's because he just doesn't get how hard things can be during the day or because of the mental hormones that are still raging around my body. Who knows? Either way, I felt the need to clarify a few things so I did. And I'm pretty sure other Mums feel the need to clarify the following, too...

Yeah, I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 8:30. But that does not mean I got nine and a half hours of sleep. Oh no. Because while you were snoring in the other room, I was up at least four times in the night feeding our newborn / seeing to our teething toddler / trying to calm down a hysterical child who was just eaten by monsters in her nightmare.

This shit hole you come home to every night... Well shit hole it ain't, darlin'. For if I was to leave the housework all day and not tidy up after our sweet little child, you'd see exactly what a shit hole looked like. 

The wine I'm knocking back in the kitchen? That isn't a celebratory bottle after a day of successful potty training. Nuh uh, that right there is what happens when your child tries to break me. Every. Fucking. Day.

You had a long, shitty day? Oh baaaabe. You work with a bunch of tossers? You're tired and hungry? Let me just fetch you some dinner... HOLD UP. I have long, shitty days too. And I have experience with tossers except one tosser stands about this high and calls me Mummy and I'm looking at the other one right now. I'm fucking tired from being up all night and haven't had a chance to eat all day because that tosser* has run me ragged. So go boo hoo somewhere else.

Calm down? CALM DOWN? I blast my body with hormones so I don't find myself in pregnancy hell again and you want me to calm down? You think I can control my moods? Do you? How about I'm done fucking my body up. It's your turn. No more injectable hormones or any hormones for that matter. It's time for you to have a little operation...

You know how I'm always moaning about the fact I have nothing to wear? Do you know why that is, Mr I own 10 pairs of jeans, 8 shirts and countless t-shirts??? Because I don't. Go take a look in my wardrobe, go on. Now look in the kids wardrobe. And yours. Now give me your credit card. Mama needs, DESERVES some new clothes. You forget I don't get paid a salary. Hell, it would seem I don't even get paid in love or affection anymore. PAYRISE. In clothes.

*I don't think my child is a tosser. Not all of the time anyway. My husband, however... 

The pain in my ass from the shot.

So here's the thing. Almost three months ago I got a shot of hormones in my ass. Because I don't want to be pregnant and I don't like periods. So it's worked out well because I'm not pregnant and I haven't had a period BUT I have gained weight (sorry, I'm a superficial arsehole) and my skin resembles that of a thirteen year old girl. LOLZ. 

No, not LOLZ. I'm not happy. Mainly because I'm full of raging hormones but also because I feel like ABSOLUTE shit. I snap at everything, I can't stop eating, I have indigestion like I'm carrying triplets and I just can't muster up the energy / give a fuck enough about it all to go to the gym. And the gym is my happy place, what keeps me out of that big, black, depressing hole. So basically, I'm fucked. I'm hungry, spotty, hormonal and fucked.

So there I was, naively thinking that at the end of May when I'm due for my next shot of bullshit, that I'll skip it and all the nasty hormones will leave my body and I'll do a big sigh and all my spots will disappear and the weight will melt off and I'll be a body of calm. Well. Turns out that ain't gonna happen. I know someone (hi, that someone) who had ONE SHOT which ended SIX MONTHS AGO and she hasn't gone back to normal. Either she's a raging loon (she isn't) or this is just a bit effed up (see how I've stopped swearing? It just goes up and down all day long). 

So I'm swallowing evening primrose oil capsules like Lil swallows smarties and drinking over the recommended dose of water every day but still I'm grouchy and spotty and I have sore boobs. And this could go on for MONTHS.

And so I turn to you, I need your help: who else has experienced this and what did you do? Did you carry on with the injection? How do you feel about these hormones you put into your body? When does it run out? How long, TELL ME.

Tradition.

Contrary to popular belief (and the fact that I can be a total gobshite sometimes), I'm a traditional girl at heart. I think making and keeping traditions is super important too.

One tradition I grew up with was visiting a part of Spain with my Grandparents as a child. They had friends there and their friends had a grandchild too, Giovanni his name was (and I was totally in love). We went almost every year and I have very happy memories of our time spent there. I took Lilian with my Grandparents for the first time when she was five months old and we've just booked to go back there in a few weeks time but this time, unfortunately, without them. I can't wait to show her places I visited as a kid and play on the same beach my brother and I first ran around on twenty years ago (ugh - old).

Another tradition, a new one, is Friday and Saturday night disco. This started about three months ago and is the brainchild of Lil and her father. Ever since she was in utero, I made a point of listening to a lot of loud music and I like to think I've played my part in her obsession with music. The kid loves it. And it's a perfect way to wind down on a Friday night after a sometimes shitty week. As soon as dinner has been eaten, it's party time.

Normal disco attire

And another? Family weekend. We have a HUGE family, both mine and Tim's parents are divorced so we try to do the huge family rounds every month but what almost always gets left out is family time, the three of us as a family doing things as just the three of us. I think that's the most important time of all so every month now I book an entire weekend out on the calendar. We do something or nothing but either way, it's just us three.

Down time

As the years go by, I'm going to create more and more family traditions and I hope that Lil will carry them on when she's an adult. (Funnily enough, I'm just about to start a 1200 word assignment on tradition - nowhere near as fun as my traditions though...)

What are your family traditions?